Paula Deen: full of love and lard


I receive emails from the Food Network from time to time. Today’s email led with a PAULA DEEN RECIPE: FRIED MAC AND CHEESE.


 

A less appetizing photo you cannot imagine. It looks like a slightly burnt pound cake with a flat mealy crust. And I’m pretty sure they put a filter on the camera to keep the grease from sparkling in the light.


 

Please don’t get me wrong. I’m all for carbohydrates and fats. My grandma used to eat bread with lard on it, so it’s in my genes. And I’ve been known to double the amount of butter and cheese in a ho-hum recipe, just for kicks.


 

But Paula is – well, “over the top” doesn’t even describe it. It’s stunt cookery. How can we make this recipe even gooier than it already is?


 

She is also, hm, lazy. New York Magazine was kind enough to highlight her recent online recipe for English Peas. Be sure to read the users’ reviews too.


 

Memorable moments from her show:


 

  • In one episode, four shirtless guys carried a coffin-sized slab of butter on a palanquin through the audience and up onto the set. I expected Paula to do the Dance of the Seven Veils in front of it.

  • In another episode, she mixed peanut butter, honey, and sugar into a thick paste, scooped up handfuls of the mixture, rolled them in more powdered sugar (no cooking necessary!) and then ate one like an apple, while informing us that her grade-school lunch lady used to make something just like this.

  • In yet another episode, she posed the question: How can you make a rich recipe like bread pudding even richer? Why, by replacing the bread with Krispy Kreme Donuts, silly!

 

 

What next, Paula? Crisco Fritters with Georgia Butter Sauce and Mars Bar stuffing?


 

Come to think of it, that’d be some mighty good eatin’!


 


 

 

About Loren Williams
Gay, partnered, living in Providence, working at a local university. Loves: books, movies, TV. Comments and recriminations can be sent to futureworld@cox.net.

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