Left-winger, irrational, and proud

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Homer Simpson once said: “If you’re in a store and you see anything on a toothpick, it’s free.” He then stabbed a large ham with a toothpick and ate it like a drumstick.

 

 

I love free things. Partner despairs of me, because I grab free food like an animal. I like free periodicals too: “Senior Horizons,” “Approaches to Menopause,” “Survivalist Quarterly.” I learn all kinds of things from these, ahem, sources.

 

 

The other night, in our uppity local grocery store (with which we have made peace, because their produce is excellent, and we are tired of buying rotten Stop & Shop oranges), I picked up a copy of Natural Awakenings.

 

 

(Mostly because it had a picture of a cute jogger on the front cover, but – well, you know me.)

 

 

I read it with interest. Massage therapy. Shamanistic healing! (This turns out to be located directly next to my office building, so I made a note of it. I may want to put curses on some of the people I work with, and who better than a shaman for that?) Meditation. Organic food. Vegan food. Gluten-free food. Working out with your dog.

 

 

You know how right-wing people have this cluster of core beliefs that don’t seem to have anything to do with anything? They’re against gay marriage. Why? Well, it’s icky. They don’t believe in climate change. Why not? Well, it’s just silly. Big government? Awful. Christianity? Two helpings, please!

 

 

Stupid.

 

 

Well, we left-wingers do it too

 

 

Vegetarian? Please! I’m vegan! Medical care? Well, Western medicine is so restrictive and hyperrational – let’s have some reiki and acupuncture too! What could be more effective than someone waving his hands over your body without touching you? Or someone sticking pins into your body? Homeopathy? Two helpings, please!

 

 

Let’s face it. We’re as intolerant and irrational as they are.

 

 

But we’re much nicer and cuter about it.

 

 

And we don’t kill as much stuff.

 

 

Except for babies, of course.

 


 

About Loren Williams
Gay, partnered, living in Providence, working at a local university. Loves: books, movies, TV. Comments and recriminations can be sent to futureworld@cox.net.

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