Transformers: Dark of the Moon

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Back in 2007, my friend Bill brought his six-year-old son Patrick to work on a summer day. He bought him a Transformers action figure, and took him to lunch, and took him to the first Transformers movie.

 

 

They got back to the office around three in the afternoon. Patrick was literally vibrating. “Tell Mister Loren about the movie,” Bill said.

 

 

“They put this cell phone in the box,” Patrick began tremulously, “and it came to life, and it had guns! And it shot at them! And it was like an animal, and there was this part with Optimus and Megatron, and Megatron picked up Jazz and tore him in half – ”

 

 

He was literally running in circles as he was telling me this story. Finally he ran to his father and buried his face in his lap. Bill looked up at me and said laconically: “The movie got Patrick pretty excited.”

 

 

Well, Partner and I just saw “Transformers: Dark of the Moon.”

 

 

And I know how Patrick felt.

 

 

It is noisy and violent and very confusing, but it doesn’t matter. There are these huge robots that are also cars and truck and airplanes, and some are nice, and some are bad. The nice robots are friendly to human beings, and the humans – the nice ones, anyway – are very devoted to them. And wouldn’t you be? If a Chevrolet Camaro that could turn into an enormous golden humanoid robot with glowing blue eyes was nice to you, and took care of you, and saved your life repeatedly, wouldn’t you sort of fall in love with it?

 

 

Yes, I thought so.

 

 

This is manic fun. There are good actors here – John Malkovich, Frances McDormand, John Turturro, Alan Tudyk – and some that are just nice to look at, like Tyrese Gibson and Josh Duhamel and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. Malkovich has an insane giggly wrestling-match with a sixteen-foot Autobot; the scene would be homoerotic if it weren’t so childishly innocent, and if one of the participants weren’t a giant alien robot. Turturro is a maniac UFO expert / ex-CIA agent who spends most of the movie in a wheelchair hissing things like “We have no time!” Alan Tudyk plays a crazy Dutch mercenary who wears inappropriate suits but can still kill everyone in a bar when the situation requires it. And Ken Jeong erupts into the movie with his customary chaotic verve, shrieking and cornering Shia LaBeouf in a men’s room.

 

 

It’s been a couple of days, and (like Patrick back in 2007) I am still vibrating.

 

 

In brief, I have to agree with the New York Times’s A. O. Scott: this is easily the best 3D/action sequel ever made about toy robots from outer space.

 

 

So be a good little Autobot and see it.


 

About Loren Williams
Gay, partnered, living in Providence, working at a local university. Loves: books, movies, TV. Comments and recriminations can be sent to futureworld@cox.net.

31 Responses to Transformers: Dark of the Moon

  1. I’m so glad to see this — I was threatening to skip the 3D fees with my 11-year-old son, but now I know what I must do…

    Thank you!

    🙂

  2. Harold says:

    I will! Congrats on being FP!

  3. Pingback: Transformers: Dark of the Moon | WPBlogger

  4. I really want to watch this movie! I have seen the first two and absolutely love them! not sure it will be the same without Megan Fox though 😦

  5. katblogger says:

    I saw the first movie in Physics class (our teacher was allergic to actual work) and hated it. Is this one better than the original, or do you just have to forget the ridiculousness and the bad dialogue and just enjoy the insanity?

  6. Oh, I would love to see that in 3D just for the special effects! I love little Patrick…lol….

  7. Mariajose says:

    I can’t wait to go see it! I’ve already told my boyfriend that either we see it or it’s over. It really won’t be over, but I have to see it! I haven’t missed one and it definitely keeps my eyes on the screen. ahh!

  8. Hiit says:

    Yeah I would have that Chevrolet Camaro right away! Great post

  9. benemorylarson says:

    The first Transformers was my favorite movie for a little while…really liked the new one too!

  10. Just saw it with my kids this weekend. Great movie, maybe the best out of the three. I agree, sometimes a little confusing knowing what is happening and who is on whose side… but still lots of fun. Have to admit to feeling a little queasy with a touch of motion sickness somewhere in the middle when everything was flailing and crashing about… and the 3D glasses were trying to make me go cross-eyed!

  11. Now this is a different style of review
    I like it

  12. louissherman says:

    Loving your blog looks awesome, nice review as well looks really. Going to see this movie asap now.

  13. not persuaded yet. I need more about the story on this one, haha.

  14. great film loved it haha

  15. The movie has a few gaping plot holes in it (spoiler alert: surely teleporting another planet within spitting distance of Earth would have at least some gravitational effect?), Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s character seems to magically alternate between flats and stilettos while running from danger, and the the final scene is dripping with cheese, but I don’t care. I loved this movie. Vibrating is exactly the way to describe the feeling. It’s big and noisy and fast and dangerous and beautiful and the weapons are cool and the robots are cooler.

  16. Ipodman says:

    I liked this movie too… I watched it 3 times already lol 😀

  17. Cherszy says:

    Is ‘Dark of the Moon’ better than the second sequel? Because if it is only slightly better or it is at par with ‘Revenge of the Fallen’, I think I may have to skip it. I want to see more than just punching robots and exploding vehicles.

  18. Maxim says:

    Can’t wait to see it in imax when I get back to the states. Gonna be a fun ride. I wonder what you thought of the second transformers movie? I couldn’t get through it!

  19. i can relate to everything you said in your post…just couldn’t bring the feelings into words what you very rightly did…amazing..:)

  20. gaycarboys says:

    I saw it in Gold Class. A small boutique cinema that serves champagne and food and the chairs are recliners with foot rests in pairs with a small table inbetween. It makes a 2.5 hour movie whiz by. But yes it was a good movie:)

  21. aakash1993 says:

    I will surely watch it now!
    Though megan fox would have been great in it, but, no prblm, autobots here i come 😉

  22. Ya know, for a guy that writes a blog about schlocky movies, I’ve been a little pretentious when it comes to these films! I would fall in love with a badass Camaro that has my back and helps me hook with some of the hottest girls on the planet.. Good way of thinking about it, sir!

  23. 2coloreyes says:

    Hello, I have seen the movie last night in my country. Thailand.
    I would love to try 3D but It really costs me very extra more for 3D,
    so I watched it in 2D instead of. BTW, I am not a big fan for Transformer.

    The movie is very very long. I bet Harry Potter 7.2 would be a bit longer.
    However, it was not too boring for me. I think it lacks of Joke or humorous.
    Maybe I don’t understand American humorous due to different in culture background.
    One thing that is laugh out loud is the toilet scene when two men have secret/clandestine.

    Yeah! it is a good action movie though.

  24. I’ve heard good things, but I also heard that there were some issues with it, and as a lifetime transformers fan (Transfan), I feel like I’m cheating on it by not going, but I just can’t. I totally lost faith in the series after the last one.

  25. myfilthyroom says:

    I don’t care about the robots, my eyes were glued at the female lead the whole time. lol.

  26. abhidworx says:

    it was a great movie. Congrats on great post!

  27. KP says:

    i think it’s definitely worth watching for the action sequences 🙂

  28. andrewcota says:

    while i agree that the concept of cars and airplanes turning into fighting/life saving robots is really cool, i couldnt get over the sexism and objectification of women that this movie promoted. I’m not a feminist. I’m just a gay guy that could really care less about heterosexual relationships. But having a half naked super model being placed in a purely object oriented role is almost insulting. I feel like Rosie Huntington should be rather ashamed of herself for agreeing to be a part of this movie. If you dont believe me, consider the first scene in which she is introuced. The shot is almost purely of her ass for nearly a minute allowing all the teenage boys and perverted old men in the theater plenty of time to hoot and holler. It was digusting. I think the movie was rather insulting and to be honest, WAY too long. but hey, i still enjoy a good explosion and fighting robots.

  29. realanonymousgirl2011 says:

    Were there hot babes to keep you entertained between blowing things up as well?

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