The magic road to recovery; or, Look like a zombie in only three days!


 Recovery from an illness is very nice, of course.  But there are very many things you have to take into account.



Your looks, for example.



I am not a beefy specimen to begin with.  So three days of fever and almost no food made me lose another three pounds.  I looked in the mirror yesterday morning before work and saw a cast member of “The Walking Dead.”  (The strange flyaway hair didn’t help, nor did the interesting green/gray/pale skin tone.)  It is almost a miracle that people didn’t rear back from me and shriek when they saw me.  Actually, one did, my Truthsayer Gaius Helen Mohiam AKA Apollonia, who lifted her eyes to me, bellowed, and said, “You look horrible!  But not in a bad way.”  (I tried lunging at myself and snapping when I saw myself in the bathroom mirror, and it was pretty effective.  If I can hold onto this look for another two weeks, I can save money on Halloween makeup.)



My posture, never good, has now become a staggering lurching horror, like the shadow chasing you down the hallway in a Hitchcock movie.  Again, I like this.  Anything to bring fear to the hearts of those around me. 



But you know what?  It’s all right.  One of the founders of modern common sense, Judith Martin (better known as Miss Manners), once wrote (I can only paraphrase, I don’t have the books here) that, if you must work sick (or as I was today, not sick exactly, but just not feeling terrific), you should look sick.  This will arouse Fear and Pity in those around you, and they will keep a dignified distance from you.  This will be good for them, in case you are still contagious; it is certainly good for you, because any bozo repellent is good bozo repellent. 



Sadly, I am continuing to recover.  Thank God I have some raw avocado in the fridge.  That should keep the green color going for a couple of days . . . .




About Loren Williams
Gay, partnered, living in Providence, working at a local university. Loves: books, movies, TV. Comments and recriminations can be sent to

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