I look just like Jim Broadbent


Apollonia and I call each other cruel names every day, and we try to be creative. “Cruella de Ville.” “Freakshow.” “Sea Hag.” “Baron Harkonnen.”

 

 

The other day she greeted me with “Professor Slughorn!”

 

 

I remembered the Harry Potter character, but only had a dim recollection of him in the movies. “Was that Richard Griffiths?” I said. “I’m not that fat.”

 

 

“No, no,” she said. “The guy who played Slughorn. You do that thing with your face, like he does. Look him up.”

 

 

Ah. Jim Broadbent!

 

 

I’m sort of flattered. He’s a distinguished character actor. We loved him in “Moulin Rouge.” He was (as Apollonia said) Professor Horace Slughorn in the sixth Harry Potter movie. He has been in approximately a million British TV shows (check IMDB if you don’t believe me), and lots of other movies also.

 

 

And he and I look just alike.

 

 

Like me, he has a funny coy look, and blue eyes. Also, according to Apollonia, we both do “that thing with your eyebrow up on one side, and you’re scowling on the other.” (See above.)

 

 

I told Partner all about this later that evening. He shrugged. “Jim Broadbent is bigger than you,” he said. “And what do you do all day in the office?  Talk to the girls and do makeovers?”

 

 

Well, naturally there’s some rivalry. Partner is my partner, whereas Apollonia is my frenemy/work wife, and there’s a lot of overlap between those two roles. A few weeks ago, Partner serenaded me with the “Soft Kitty” song from “The Big Bang Theory” first thing in the morning. Only a few hours later, at work, Apollonia marched into my office and began belting out “Soft Kitty.” Coincidence? I think not. (They were both very creeped out when I told them. They’re both very superstitious, and now they’re sure that they’re in some kind of Vulcan mind link with one another.)

 

 

None of this matters. All that matters is that I look just like Jim Broadbent.

 

 

Besides, this is the first time Apollonia has given me anything resembling a compliment. I’m trying to appreciate it for what it’s worth.


 

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About Loren Williams
Gay, partnered, living in Providence, working at a local university. Loves: books, movies, TV. Comments and recriminations can be sent to futureworld@cox.net.

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