White trash cookery

white trash cookery

I’ve always known that I’m white trash. It’s a simple calculation: I’m one-half early Twentieth Century European immigrant, one-half American mongrel.



And we White Trash folk know what we like to eat.



And it’s nasty.



Here are a few menu ideas:



–         Make a box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. Or, better yet, store brand. Now add some Velveeta. Or, if you’re really white trash, some Cheese Whiz.

–         You know what’s better than a peanut butter sandwich? A peanut butter sandwich with a slice of bologna on it.

–         Or bananas.

–         Frozen pizza is always better with some ketchup on it.

–         Almost everything is better with crushed potato chips on top.

–         And you know what’s good with everything? Mayonnaise.


But the best recipe of all was given on Saturday Night Live in 1991, when Roseanne Barr portrayed a White Trash mother spontaneously inventing the tuna noodle casserole.



I paraphrase:



“Go next door and borrow some noodles. And then go to the store and get a can of cream of mushroom soup. Don’t get Campbell’s! Get Food Club! It’s cheaper! And I think there’s a can of tuna under my bed. Cook it all together. And don’t forget to save some for me, you little bastard.”



Bon appetit.


About Loren Williams
Gay, partnered, living in Providence, working at a local university. Loves: books, movies, TV. Comments and recriminations can be sent to futureworld@cox.net.

5 Responses to White trash cookery

  1. starproms says:

    Ha ha I saw a lot of that whilst in America. I saw a lot of snacking too. I’ve never eaten a twinkie! While I was over a year or so ago, the news came out that twinkies would be no more? Am I right? or at least not made by the original supplier. Everyone was alarmed. ‘No more twinkies?’ was the outraged cry.
    Most of that is catching on over here and I must admit that I like mayonnaise in my sandwiches there days too!

    • Twinkies will never die. The company was rescued a few months ago, and production will go on. They’re actually pretty tasty: they’re just sponge cake filled with whipped cream, but they’re so packed with preservatives that they never go stale, which makes you wonder.

      And mayonnaise makes everything better.

      • starproms says:

        Do you put mayonnaise on your Twinkies?
        My sister in law once told off my brother in law for putting too much salt on his dinner. The next time she lit up a cigarette, he said to her, ‘Do you want some salt on that cigarette?’

      • Mayonnaise on a Twinkie would be excessive. Then again, I’ve had a fried Twinkie, so who’s to say what’s excessive?

      • I try not to salt things unless they really need it. As for mayonnaise – I have a recipe for mayonnaise cake, which I may share on the blog one of these days. It will give you a good laugh. I know people who grew up on this cake, and love it.

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