Sometimes, when I’m falling asleep, I hear voices: odd snippets of conversation. I’m sure it’s all in my head, and I’m half-dreaming. But sometimes I can hear my mother’s voice, or some other person long dead, and it’s exactly their tone of voice.



I usually can’t quite make out what they’re saying, and when I can, it doesn’t make any sense, which tells me that it’s mostly a dream.



Funny how my brain produces these old voices out of nowhere and replays them for me.



A friend told me once that, after his mother passed away, he’d call his aunt from time to time, just to hear her voice, because his aunt’s voice reminded him of his mother’s voice.



I understand this perfectly. What voice did we first hear? Our mother’s voice. They say you can hear it even when you’re in the womb. It must naturally be a very calming thing (although my mother was not perhaps the most calm-inducing person in the world).



And I like fooling myself sometimes. As more of my family and friends pass away, I feel better sometimes with the idea that maybe they’re not dead after all. I see and hear people all the time – in crowds, on the sidewalk – who look and sound, almost, like the people I used to know. My heart leaps up and I think: it was a mistake after all. They’re not dead.



And, just for a second, it makes me feel better.


About Loren Williams
Gay, partnered, living in Providence, working at a local university. Loves: books, movies, TV. Comments and recriminations can be sent to futureworld@cox.net.

2 Responses to Voices

  1. starproms says:

    You are so right Loren. One of my ex partner’s uncles sounded just like my ex’s dad. He even looked like him and when we were with him, it was almost as if ‘dad’ was still in the room. Once I saw someone who was the spitting image of my own dad. I watched as he walked into a shop and waited to catch another glimpse as he came out. He never did come out! It was a baroo moment! I am also at the point in life where everyone is looking familiar!

    • A retired co-worker visited us yesterday, and people were running out of their offices to see her just because they could hear her voice, and they still recognized it (she has a very distinctive voice – rather throaty and deep).

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: