Bad news


I wrote a while ago about the lump in my throat.

Well, guess what? It turned out to be serious after all.

I will be starting various kinds of treatment soon: radiation almost certainly, and probably also chemotherapy.

It’s only been a few days, and already Partner and I have been through a whirlwind of emotions. You probably know Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s five stages? We’ve done them all three times over, in two days: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.

I hate this, kids.

I have an indicator on the wall of my office that indicates I’ll be retiring in the year 2040, and I point it out to new employees, just to show them that I’m not going anywhere.

I hope that I’m telling them the truth.

I am going to try very hard to beat this, kids. I already have four doctors – a GP, an ENT, an oncologist, and a hematologist. And heaven knows what I’ll go through, between radiation and chemotherapy and the illness itself.

Heaven only knows.

I know only a few of you personally, but (just so you know): I love you all very much.

(I’m trying to be pragmatic.)

Let’s get on with this silly treatment stuff (over the next six months or so), and then let’s get on with normal life again.

For my sake, and for Partner’s sake, most of all.


About Loren Williams
Gay, partnered, living in Providence, working at a local university. Loves: books, movies, TV. Comments and recriminations can be sent to

9 Responses to Bad news

  1. Scott says:

    I’m so sorry to hear Loren. I hope your treatment will be successful and as pain free as possible. Love you.

  2. Clare says:

    Oh, Loren, I’m sorry. You will be in my thoughts – and I hope you keep posting your reactions. Love, Clare

  3. Kathleen says:

    You are strong and determined! You will beat this …I know that you will

  4. You are on my mind many times a day now so just know someone in ilwaco is thinking of you often. I saw my friend four door down go thru chemo and out the other side successfully (over a year ago). Stage three and he has beaten it.

    • I so much appreciate your good thoughts – it helps a lot, believe me. I hope I get back to the Peninsula at least one more time – I have such happy memories there, and your pictures take me there every time I look at them (even the close-ups of plants). I’m not assuming the worst at this point, because I haven’t even begun treatment yet. I’m sure I’ll be sick as a dog after a month or two. But it’s all for a good purpose.

      Thanks so much for thinking of a poor stranger.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: