Saving the rhinos


“I know how to save the rhinos,” my co-worker Apollonia announced at lunch the other day. “Really. It amazes me that no one has thought of this before.”



“Enlighten us,” I said.



She eyed me balefully. “You’ll think this is stupid, I know. But hear me out. People are killing rhinos because they want their horns, right? The greatest threat to rhinos is human beings, because they want their horns. So we corral all the rhinos, and tranquilize them, and remove their horns. Then there’s no reason for the poachers to kill them.”



I didn’t respond right away. Finally I covered my nose with my hand and said: “Ow!”



She scowled. “It wouldn’t hurt them. A rhino horn is made of keratin. It’s like a fingernail. They don’t need it.”



“How do you know that?”



“It’s obvious.”



“What if it’s necessary to life as a rhino? What if –“



“Oh, they don’t use it for anything. They prance around, and jab one another with it.”



“Maybe,” I said, “girl rhinos judge boy rhinos by their horns. Maybe girl rhinos won’t be interested in boy rhinos anymore if the boy rhinos don’t have horns.”



“You,” Apollonia declared, “have no idea what you’re talking about.”



I ignored the obvious ridiculousness of this statement. “Okay,” I said. “So now what?”



“So,” Apollonia said, eyes glittering, “we need to put the idea out there. On the Internet.”



“Geez,” I said. “I don’t know anything about the Internet. How would we do a thing like that? Unless you want me to write about it in my blog, and use your real name – ”



“No!” she shrieked. “Don’t you dare!”



So there you are, kids.



Of course, there are also groups like, which address the issue more directly.



But think about dear Apollonia’s idea.



Not very good, is it?



But her heart is in the right place.



Go visit, and see what you think.


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